Why you feel invisible to the graduates

It’s going to become a stronger and more apparent feeling so let me break this down because I have experienced your position before and I’m in the graduate position now.

Come May, the class of 2016 will be graduating.

Come May, anyone not graduating will be watching their close friends walk across the stage.  And those graduates will be more focused on leaving each other than leaving you.

But here’s why. And I had this realization only recently…. but all of you will still be here at college.  We know you’ll be here and what your schedule is going to be like and how to get in touch with you.  We know that we can come back and find you here and there is comfort in that.  It’s not that we won’t miss you.  We don’t know where anyone else will be or if we’ll get to see each other again.  Yes that fear is there for you too, but there’s a security in knowing that you will still be at our alma mater.

Is that making sense?

The other thing you have to realize is that while we are stressing over everything we have to do and try to be, you are all making plans that we will not get to be a part of.  Ever.  And that starts earlier than the graduation hype starts.

My friends and I have a rule, as I have mentioned, that we don’t talk about graduation. So while we all know it’s there and we are trying to make the most of out of every day, it is everyone else that is making plans without us, as if we are already gone.

And this shit hurts too.  Only we start feeling that at the start of the second semester.  Graduation stuff doesn’t start until finals in May.  So stop and think about that for a second.  While you are coping with us leaving and already getting excited for the next year, we are passing our torches onto you and watching you begin to forget about us already.

At least… that’s how it feels.

We work really really hard to embrace college because mid-way through senior year we start to feel it slipping out of fingers and we get the images of what life is going to be like afterwards.  You can pretend to know what the feels like, but when it comes down to it the other seniors are the only ones who truly get it.  So when people make plans and don’t follow through, we get stressed because we are running out of time.  And it’s fucking scary.

Try to push away your anxiety about us leaving the same way we are pushing away ours and lets just fucking enjoy these last few months together.

Those petty little peeves

Okay the title sounded better in my head but I’m keeping it.

Pet Peeves is the subject of today!

I discovered a new one!  Yay?  yeah sure yay…. yay!  I discovered a new fucking pet peeve.

The other day I was planning a surprise for some of my friends and they kept asking me “What is it? What’s going on?” One person though wouldn’t let up.  She continually asked me, texted me, etc.  It got past the point of teasing to me being down right annoyed.  Why did she deserve to know over everyone else?  So the pet peeve… when some one thinks they have the right to something (like a surprise secret) just because it’s them.  Like they are better than all the other people asking.  If you were better you’d already fucking know. Duh!

But there are a few other peevish little things I can’t stand. Does anyone have just one?

The competition that is sometimes created during stressful situations. During finals or tech week, for example, there is always that ONE FUCKING PERSON that thinks they have it So much worse than everyone else. We are all suffering, you are not worse off. Get over yourself.
Freaking out over every test or assignment and doing exceptionally well every single time.
Pretending you’re too cool for something. It’s one thing to just not be interested in an activity or event but those assholes that stand there and judge and laugh at the people trying to enjoy themselves just because they are too self conscious to try it. No one is actually paying that much attention to you. Cut that shit out.

I could go on but those are the big ones (and the only ones I could think of right now haha) I’d love to know if y’all share those pet peeves with me of if you have your own. Vent about it! 🙂 aha

Morning Routine

I don’t know about you, but I’m the kind of person who can take 10 minutes to get ready or an hour.  And it might not look like there’s too much of a difference either way.  The thing is, though, that having extra time to get ready is literally so important for the rest of the day.

I can do my full face routine.  I don’t wear a ton of make up but the make up I do wear I want to wear well.  This means no mascara on my eye lid and my moisturizer needs to be rubbed in completely. etc. For those of you that know this struggle (I’m talking anyone) you know that those little things can really matter to confidence.

Here’s the other thing, though.  Getting ready with more time allows a better start to your day.  Instead of rushing around to get ready, there is time to breathe if you’re having a slow day.  Or if you’re not, there’s time to do other things.  I make my bed and put books away and close my closet doors everyday before I leave.  When I return, the room feels more relaxed and put together and that makes me feel more put together.

So here’s my suggestions: get up literally just 10-15 minutes earlier.  Let yourself take a minute to pick out the earrings you always mean to wear and never do.  Let yourself pay extra attention to your hair or double check your bag and go over your planner.  Yes that’s 10 minutes you could be sleeping but I promise it’s worth it.

(Inspired by “Why Girls Take FOREVER to Get Ready in the Morning!!!!!” by Alisha Marie https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCgHLoKn0zc )

Compensating for Beauty

Maybe compensating isn’t the right word.  But we’ll pull a Tim Gunn and “Make it Work”.

I wrote last week about what it’s like to not feel beautiful.  This post kind of tag teams off of that.

There’s a girl in some of my classes.  Beautiful, typecast as the blonde bombshell, smart, and quirky.  She has the potential to be a beautiful person except for one thing-she’s so concerned with being a beautiful person.

With 20 minutes at the end of class, every class, you can hear the familiar clanking of make ups and perfume.  She applies concealer under her eyes, reapplies mascara to the top and bottom eye lashes, lipstick, etc.  The finishing touch is a spritz of perfume.

But wait there’s more!  With 5 minutes left of class the clanking starts again as she double checks everything, sometimes even brushing her hair. Finally! She is ready to continue on with her day.  This happens every class, morning and afternoon.

It’s sad. I bet she’s really pretty and no one will ever actually see her.  It makes me wonder what happened to this girl to make her feel like it’s so necessary….

Why I don’t feel Beautiful (with Niki Demar)

This is in response to Niki Demar.  A you tuber and beauty vlogger.  I watch she and her sister, Gabi, and follow them on social media.  These are girls around my age who I look up to because they are doing so much.  Niki posted a video a while back titled “Why I don’t feel Beautiful”.  And I’ve been trying to decide how to respond to it because she says a lot (link below).  But also because I feel like not enough people are addressing the issue of self love… lets see how this goes.

80%-90% of the time I do not feel beautiful.  Slowly this is changing from the reflection on what media defines as beautiful to what my own self-standards are.  Niki says that “The concept of beauty has changed so much.  And it’s so easy for some one in 2015 not to feel beautiful”.  It is so fucking sad to know how true that is.  It’s more than our definition of beauty being this ever changing thing.  It’s that so many people, men and women alike, do not believe they are beautiful.  Niki is correct when she talks about how, despite doing so much, it becomes very hard to focus on all of the positive things when there is that cloud of self love being very difficult.

“This topic is very messy”.  OH MY GOSH.  I could dedicate an entire blog to beauty and self love issues and eating issues.  Because we deserve to talk about it. But for now lets just say that: this topic is very messy.  It’s not easy to talk about or address.  Most people don’t even acknowledge it.

As I’ve been getting older I’ve found that while I’m still influenced by media, a lot of my issues are just that I don’t look the way I want to look.  So when some one compliments me I often don’t believe them.  A big portion of my life I was made fun of.  I was a joke because people didn’t think it was pretty. That’s hard to get out of.  So when some one says something nice there is still part of me that thinks it’s about to be turned into a joke.  So I work out and I stress over my skin.  Acne.  Ugh. I’ll save that vent.  My muscles are too big or not big enough and holy crap!

The point is we are all struggling.  Even the people who think are beautiful and put together (I thought Niki was) are struggling.  Don’t be afraid to ask for support.  Even if that means venting to some one for a few minutes.  Do it.  Support each other.  We’ve all got something.

Adjusting to Life never Ends

I discovered recently that “adjusting to school” no longer classifies what we are all trying to do here.  Rather, it’s “adjusting to life”.  And, believe it or not, almost none of us will every completely adapt.

A lot of college first years experience the adjustment period. It’s a difficult process.  New place, new people, new routine, whatever. But something that I didn’t realize until this year: the adjustment isn’t just for first years. I always figured: Okay after a few months I’ll have my shit figured out. And I had convinced myself I had. I was stronger in so many ways. Last year was hell for me and I made it through because, in my mind, I wasn’t adjusting to anything I was just living.

Until this year. This year I realized how hard it is to adjust to anything no matter how long you’ve been doing it. It’s my senior year and some mornings I wake up and feel like a freshman all over again. Why? Lots of reasons… none of which are the point.

Here’s the thing. As we are growing up we always have something to look towards in the future. You’re bullied in elementary school. That’ll end soon. High school sucks. You’ll get out. But once you hit college… life starts to happen a little often and it’s no longer adjusting to school. Because you don’t actually know what’s in your future. You don’t have that concrete thing to look towards anymore. And that’s the scariest fucking thing.

It’s just plain adjusting to life. It’s called living. It might be hard sometimes but we’re all going through it together. Don’t forget that.

My love-hate relationship with Pinterest

We’ve all heard of it.
We’ve all tried to evade it.
Then BOOM! One days it’s too hot to do anything else or you’re looking for the perfect DIY and you can’t access it without one.
“I’ll just create an account for those times I need it,” you say to yourself.
You could not be more wrong.
All of a sudden you have a dozen different boards and a few hundred pins and likes.
And you’re happy with it.
Until you see that other people have hundreds of followers and the next thought is, “Wait…this is a thing on Pinterest? Do I want followers? Am I lame if I don’t have followers? What’s so good about this person’s board, mine is so much better! I NEED FOLLOWERS!”
Hold on… what?
Yeah, you’ve been there. Let’s be real.

This was me. I got a pinterest to look at some nail tutorials. Then I started saving all of these cool workouts and fun drinks and then…
OMG Holiday Decorations!
Hours were spent looking at and discovering tons of Halloween and Christmas decoration ideas. Most of them are DIY! It’s like a kid in a candy shop!
Then you look at the clock… “Oh no. This is what people on Tumblr feel like.” Thank god I don’t have that too or I’d be screwed.
So you try to avoid it for a few days. There are better things you could be doing then scrolling through pinterest. But then you somehow manage to instal the app on your phone…whoops.
And no matter how hard you try the glittery and fun DIYs are calling your name and it’s beautiful… until you remember the followers issue.

Even writing this I had to pause multiple times to look through it. Why???? It’s so addicting! And while it is extremely helpful, it also reminds me what our society centers around. You aren’t the only one who sees the followers on your Pinterest, everyone can. Which kind of makes it a competition. So I don’t look. And I avoid it for days so that I can keep loving it because man…those DIYs….

So I’ve decided to make Pinterest more of a reminder of what I want to accomplish then a hobby… if that makes sense. It’s not about the followers it’s about me. I can’t afford supplies for that ridiculous Christmas pillow? Fine, I’ll save up. I want to be able to make all of those recipes when I have my own apartment? Then I should start saving for that apartment or I can’t make the recipes. Sure, I can still spend hours browsing things, but I’d much rather look at it and say “Yeah, I could do that one day!” and save it as a goal, something I can accomplish over something I can just look at on a screen.

Some of the most simple, but greatest things in the world

Taking your socks and shoes off after a really long day.

Eating way too much food and just getting to sit there, basking in the over-eating.

That first moment of feeling sand wash off of you when you step into a shower after a long day at the beach.

Realizing there is nothing you have to do.

The smell of a movie theatre.

Stepping on a really crunchy leaf.

Looking into your closet and being able to decide what you want to wear in under 20 seconds.

Seeing more money in your account than you thought you had.

That first jump into a swimming pool on a really hot day.