We have a rule amongst my friend group. Graduation doesn’t exist. Not yet. Anytime anyone (but especially my roommate or I) makes the mistake of addressing it the response is, “No! Shut up! Not yet!”
We have even set a rule: we don’t talk about it or allow ourselves be sad about it except for one or two designated times until late April. Then and only then are we’re allowed to freak out.
We can’t talk about it because it’s too real and it hurts too much.
I don’t want to face that fact that I won’t return to the first place that I really felt like I belonged. I don’t want to accept the fact that I won’t be getting into shenanigans with all of my friends that have yet to graduate. And I can’t stand that fact of not living with my roommate. She was out of town for a few days and it was way too hard, but an undesignated period of time not seeing each other?! It doesn’t exist. Not yet.
But all of sudden all of that shit is being shoved in my face and I don’t know what to do with it. I’ve been reminded to live in the moment and hold onto every second. At the same time I’m supposed to look at the future and plan and grasp all of that too. I can’t do both! I only have two fucking hands! And… I’m not ready to leave! *sigh Holy Shit…
The future is too real my friends.
I know exactly how you feel! Its a horrible feeling.. Of uncertainty 😭😭 aagh