Why I don’t feel Beautiful (with Niki Demar)

This is in response to Niki Demar.  A you tuber and beauty vlogger.  I watch she and her sister, Gabi, and follow them on social media.  These are girls around my age who I look up to because they are doing so much.  Niki posted a video a while back titled “Why I don’t feel Beautiful”.  And I’ve been trying to decide how to respond to it because she says a lot (link below).  But also because I feel like not enough people are addressing the issue of self love… lets see how this goes.

80%-90% of the time I do not feel beautiful.  Slowly this is changing from the reflection on what media defines as beautiful to what my own self-standards are.  Niki says that “The concept of beauty has changed so much.  And it’s so easy for some one in 2015 not to feel beautiful”.  It is so fucking sad to know how true that is.  It’s more than our definition of beauty being this ever changing thing.  It’s that so many people, men and women alike, do not believe they are beautiful.  Niki is correct when she talks about how, despite doing so much, it becomes very hard to focus on all of the positive things when there is that cloud of self love being very difficult.

“This topic is very messy”.  OH MY GOSH.  I could dedicate an entire blog to beauty and self love issues and eating issues.  Because we deserve to talk about it. But for now lets just say that: this topic is very messy.  It’s not easy to talk about or address.  Most people don’t even acknowledge it.

As I’ve been getting older I’ve found that while I’m still influenced by media, a lot of my issues are just that I don’t look the way I want to look.  So when some one compliments me I often don’t believe them.  A big portion of my life I was made fun of.  I was a joke because people didn’t think it was pretty. That’s hard to get out of.  So when some one says something nice there is still part of me that thinks it’s about to be turned into a joke.  So I work out and I stress over my skin.  Acne.  Ugh. I’ll save that vent.  My muscles are too big or not big enough and holy crap!

The point is we are all struggling.  Even the people who think are beautiful and put together (I thought Niki was) are struggling.  Don’t be afraid to ask for support.  Even if that means venting to some one for a few minutes.  Do it.  Support each other.  We’ve all got something.